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Dating Tendencies

This is a framework created by Logan Ury, defined in the book How To Not Die Alone. The framework roughly categorizes people into one of three groups based on what kinds of unrealistic expectations that person may have when dating.

  • The Romanticizer has unrealistic expectations of relationships. Their expectations are similar to Disney fairy tales or a Hallmark Channel movie.
  • The Maximizer has unrealistic expectations of their (future?) partner. They are held to such a high standard that the Maximizer will never be satisfied. A Maximizer is always on the lookout for someone better.
  • The Hesitater has unrealistic expectations of themselves. They believe theyโ€™re not ready to date, have flaws they need to fix first, etc.

A set of questions you can ask yourself to determine where you sit is available in Chapter 2 of Loganโ€™s book or on her website.

The Romaniticizerโ€‹

Romanticizers have a soul mate mindset rather than a work-it-out mindset. Their logic is that fate determines if and when they will find โ€œthe oneโ€; in other words, love is beyond their control. They likely have specific requirements for traits in their future partner. When an obstacle gets hit, a Romanticizer is more likely to just give up and move on rather than talk it out.

Remember, no one is perfect, including you. Even Prince Charming has morning breath.

โ€”Logan Ury